I really like today’s journal pages. I spent this morning working on a custom digital collage, so it was nice to switch to cutting paper and painting. I really love both working digitally and with actual stuff and it’s fun to bounce back and forth between the two. I took a photo of my watercolor palette today that will make great fodder for a digital piece.
The custom collage is based on photos from Iceland- really great stuff for a starting point. I want to go to Iceland someday- it seems like the sort of place where it’s impossible to take a bad photo, and the natural beauty is just breathtaking in a very stark kind of way that really appeals to me. I do notice a slight difference in how I feel while working on a digital collage that is a custom commissioned piece versus just something I am making for myself. There is a slight hesitancy/fear lurking at the back of my mind- the old “this had better be good! someone is giving you money for it!” feeling. I know that the person likes my work, or they wouldn’t ask me to make a piece for them, and they will probably love it, but the anxiety is still there. I used to have a nearly constant “this had better be good” feeling relating to a lot of my artmaking but I finally learned to let it go because it’s totally counterproductive. It’s not an overwhelming feeling with the custom work, but it’s definitely there and I’d like to figure out how to get rid of it (if it’s even possible to do so). I think it’s because with the work I usually make I’m not dealing with an immediate audience. I basically put it out there and if someone likes it, great, and if not, I probably won’t ever hear about it. But with a custom piece, there’s immediate feedback, which is of course part of the process. I want someone to tell me if they don’t like something, because I want them to be happy with their piece that they are paying for. But there’s also a little ego-part of me that hates criticism and has trouble differentiating between useful criticism and non-useful criticism and between myself and the work. It is hard reconcile doing work that basically involves your whole being (I can’t think of a better way to phrase that) with the common-sense idea of “don’t take it personally.”